something I wrote in a state of mind

I feel sad. I feel mad. I think I shouldn't bother. I want to fix it all in one fell swoop. I want to find a shortcut. I want to build on what exists. I want to realize it all. I want it I am tired I am lazy. Truly slothful. Just can't give up. How long, how long will I slide?

Nothing is wrong. Why not? Why would it be? How are we here, why do we even? Let it go. Let it stay. Be that as it may, I'll be on my way. Maybe some more money will fix it? Throw some money, burn some cash. Sing to the river. But what if it all returns to nothing? A pillar, a fortress, a lair, leaning and sliding as the ground upon which it is founded shifts manically. A cataclysm. A temptation. An inevitable pull towards chaos. But entropy is just the tendency towards equalization. We can't have equality. Some are more equal than others. Isn't that dystopian? Probably less than most of the boomer cargo cult. I beg to dream and differ. Just another paper I'll never deliver. Amen brother Ben, shot a rooster killed a hen. And then? What then?

The earth is rotting. Give me a boat that will carry two, and we shall sally forth, the liar and his lie. I'm worse off all the time. But time is relative. But Light is absolute. Nah, can't be. Light is relative and all perception is based off it so we measure it consistently with itself all the time unless relative scales come into play, and even then that is just the illusion of making sense. Particles, waves, what does it profit a man to gain the whole world and lose his life? Quit my pain and end the strife. But no. I must live, must go on in this crazy world, must type out insufficient ramblings on an insecure and fraught platform. Stacking up papers, drinking away my money (on Mtn Dew of course– let no one call me an alcoholic), picking glass out of my shoes. A shattered mirror wall, destined to fall, a crash in the night.

Last night I had a dream. Several details have already slipped away but I'll relate what I recall of it here:

It was some anime. At least, a bunch of the people looked like anime characters. There was a magic system based on can't remember the name but it contained three tiers that were red and circular. Like Lisp parentheticals (`()`). I went to the arctic entry of Eagle River Walmart and I was Kirito from SAO Abridged. there was some sexual-like but definitely-not-sex sexuality to the magic system. As I entered I turned left and right there was a minor hostage situation. Both participants were girls, one was Asuna (again, the Abridged version of course). She yelled something about there being no plot and I retorted, "come on, sure there's a plot. It's not that bad a show." then I took off into the store. There was a very-realistic-metal-but-not-real gun involved and I was in a chase around the empty aisles in the store. The only employee was the mamasan from KFC and she was telling us to be more composed in the store. I asked if it was about the fake-but-realistic gun and she said no but took it anyway. That part ended, I went back to the mandatory Japanese shrine hot springs house with the babbling brook containing a visualization of the magic system, and began waking up. Then I finished waking up, stumbled out of my room, and found the broken mirrors.

What's the truth? What's a lie? Is everything a rip-off of Overlord? Is Overlord a rip-off of SAO? All I know is, SAO is not an isekai. It's not an isekai. It is anything but an isekai. It is the same as anything silly and bad. Bad? Yeah sure I guess it's bad. But hey, I guess I'll have to continue on my way. Bye.